a high degree of compatibility... where it counts

Recently a close friend asked me for clarity on how to choose a spouse. Humans are so complex and our own standards ebb & flow like tides. When deciding to become deeply committed to someone, what is the most important area of life/someone to consider and observe ? What is the #1 thing that indicates of a good fit ?

I begin the basis for my answer with a principle I've observed about God. polar opposites. When God says He hates something, it's a safe bet that the oppposite reflects His heart's desire and His best.

The first of the Ten Commandments is "You shall have no other gods before me." The greatest commandment is "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." This is just one illustration of how God operates and communicates through POLAR OPPOSITES. Proverbs illustrates a littany of contrasts between wise and foolish. Heaven or Hell. Christ or Satan. I think God set things up this way to minimize our excuses for being confused about who God is, His principles and desires.

When I appply this principle to 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" This is another verse that speaks in stark contrasts. But it is quite clear. I interpret "yoked" to mean a situation that involves legally binding agreement. To me, that includes marriage, employment, living accomodations, business partnerships, and dealings that do or should require that legal documents to be signed. I absorb it to reflect that God best for us is to be yoked together in situations with a high degree of compatibility between you and the other party in the legal agreement. This is not unlike the notion that, ultimately, God's best for each of us is to be more like, and thus highly compatible with, Christ. Moving on.

The second ingredient for the basis of my answer is discerning the most significant aspect of humanity to focus on compatibility in. I look no further than the greatest commandment-- LOVE GOD. We are all eternal beings. The most significant aspects about us are the things that will survive the grave-- a person's relationship with, or without God, is the most important thing about them. Following this line of reasoning, it is easy to conclude that God's best for christians in the area of marriage is that we marry someone who also loves Christ. To me, this represents a basic, minimum level of compatibility. Why any christian would think that dating or marrying someone who doesn't (yet) love Christ reflects God's BEST for them is beyond me. I suspect that none of them really do think that. They're simply impatient or unwilling to trust God completely in that area of their life. To me, pairing up with someone whose pursuit of the Lord is compatible with yours represents a HIGH degree of compatibility. I admit that there may be other elements to a high degree of compatibility, but that is simply where my clarity begins.

Don't settle for less than a miracle.